Two lovers, forbidden from one another

A war divides their people, and a mountain divides them apart.

Built a path to be together.

…

Secret tunnel!

Secret tunnel!

Through the mountain!

Secret, secret, secret, secret tunnel!

Its been a long while since the last time I posted anything to tumblr. And for that, I apologize. I’m lying in bed typing on my phone because every time I sit at my computer to type, nothing comes. Unfortunately, this method is more cumbersome and accident prone, but hopefully it’ll be done with few mistakes and will be understandable. Over spring break I went to Montana to visit my sister. My newest nephew was born and I spent a lot of time with my sisters other son and her husband. One night, my dad, brother in law, and the older of the two nephews went to take a drive and my nephew was asleep. In the front my dad and bro were talking about old times. When I was a kid. Things I barely remember. And then they talked about how things are now and how they will be in the future. My bro said some things about how my mom helped them actually grow closer together. And then he talked about how she’s not really gone. She lives through us. My siblings and I. And my nieces and nephews. Allana and Julian, my newest niece and nephew won’t ever meet my mom—their grandmother, but through their siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles—we who did know my mom, they will learn all the same important lessons we did from her. And they will learn through stories and anecdotes what a wonderful woman their mothers mother was. It warmed me to hear him say these things. I’ve been so worried about the things that we’ll miss about her, I forgot to look at the things that are what makes us love her so much. Talking to my dad in the front seat, I don’t think he had any idea that his kind words were making this boy in the back cry. I know that I love my mom and I will always remember her, and because of that, she’ll never really be gone.

As these tears stream down my face, I wonder what’s causing them. I wish I knew. I wish I knew everything. There are so many things I wish. None of which can come true.

This story I wrote at work. I was bored.

I don’t know where to begin this story. I’m not sure what’s relevant. But I’ll do my best to relate it to you. It all began when I was 11 or so. I had headaches. I thought it was just growing pains, but now I’m not so sure. After a year or so of having headaches, I noticed something about myself. Whenever I was around people, I knew what they were feeling. I could tell when someone was sad, even if they were smiling, and I knew when someone was lying or telling the truth. I thought maybe I was just good at telling how other people felt, but it became more than that. When I turned 13, I started being able to hear peoples thoughts more clearly. Before it had been vague emotions. Feelings. But then it became specific thoughts. School had always been difficult because so many people in such a small place, I would often become overwhelmed with feeling the other students emotions, but I learned to ignore them and focus on my work. When I started being able to pick specific thoughts out of peoples heads, it got worse. I could hear everyone. The kid behind me thinking “what’s for lunch today? I hope it’s chicken fingers!” The girl to my side, “Why do these other kids have trouble finding ‘x’?” Everyone’s thoughts were in my head. It was like everyone was talking to me all the time. Incessantly. To the point that I couldn’t hear what the teacher was actually saying. Tuning it out got to be so hard that I couldn’t keep up with the school work and I had to start learning it on my own at home. My father thinking about how work was treating him badly and my mom wishing she hadn’t settled down so early. They never talked about it out loud so I couldn’t console them. They’d want to know how I knew what they were thinking. It wasn’t normal after all. I wasn’t normal. I knew I had to learn to turn it off or else I would never be able to function in society. After trying to stop listening into my family and friends’s thoughts for almost a month, I finally figured out how to block out their thoughts. It was simple once I figured it out. I just had to relax and tell myself to stop listening in. It was difficult because I never knew how it worked in the first place. But once I could make it stop, I knew reflexively how to tune in to just one persons thoughts. I feel ashamed to tell you this, but I used it on more than one occasion to cheat on a test. I could sit there and listen to the thoughts of the other people in class and they’d tell me the answers they were getting. Sometimes I couldn’t follow the thought process of a particular student, so I’d go on to someone else. I always managed to do at least as well as the second or third best grade. But that was wrong and I stopped eventually. I had to do things for myself. But I started thinking about what else I might be able to do. And boy was there more I could do. I was in the family room one night, about a half an hour before the time my mom would usually make dinner and I was listening into her thoughts. She was planning on making spaghetti. She had already decided it. But I let her thoughts fill my mind and I kept thinking about replacing spaghetti with hamburgers. I had no idea if it would work, but I thought I might as well try it. Soon though, I noticed that when she got up to cook, she didn’t reach for the pasta. It had worked. Knowing this scared me a little bit and excited me a lot! I could force people to think whatever I wanted them to. I tried it a few more times with different people from school and it seemed to work every time. My best friend got in trouble for going into the girls bathroom and he couldn’t figure out why he would ever think about going in there. It was soon after that that the abilities I had started to grow again. I noticed that I was beginning to be able to see images of what other people were seeing. It became more than just the thoughts that you think but also the images when you space off and picture things in your mind. And if someone wasn’t imagining anything, I could see what they saw. Hear what they hear. I could be in the next room over from someone and know exactly what they know about the room. I was curious about whether I could change this as I could change what people thought. My first attempts were feeble. It was like putting a stick figure into a movie. The people I did it to were confused at first, but after practice, I could make people see anything I wanted them to. I could even erase things. If someone was looking at a table, I could make it disappear. Many people around me started questioning their sanity. Seeing things that weren’t there and not being able to see things that someone right next to them could. I wondered if I could make more than one person see the same thing. Or make the same thing disappear to everyone who should be able to see it. So I tested it at graduation. When it was time for the valedictorian to speak, I made it look like her notes fell to the floor. She bent down to pick them up, and based on the reactions of the audience, it didn’t look odd that she bent down. If the illusion only worked on her, the audience would have wondered why she bent down. But making all those people see something that wasn’t there taxed me. The concentration it took was enormous. I was barely able to walk up to receive my diploma. With more practice it would be easier just like all the other aspects of my power, so I did practice. By the time I was 20, it was so easy, I could walk into a crowded street without anyone seeing me and do whatever I needed to do. So that’s what I did. At least for a while. I used my powers for personal gain. I could be invisible to everyone around me. I didn’t have to pay for groceries. I didn’t have to work. I could walk into a store and give the cashier a stack of papers and they thought it was cash. It wasn’t until I was long gone that they realized it was just blank paper. I sold jewelry that didn’t exist to pay my bills. I could walk into a pawn shop and make the merchant see an expensive diamond and they’d pay me for what I had and what would soon disappear or turn into a small piece of gravel. After a few years I got bored of this life. It was too easy, so I started using my…talents…to become a counselor. I solved everyone’s problems. I could make someone quit smoking or love their wife again, anything. I just made sure they actually wanted it before I did it for them. I helped a lot of people in this way, including myself and I got more popular and gained credibility. When I was 32, I decided to run for office. I started low and got into a position in my city. I moved up quickly though. Voters loved me, and it wasn’t fake. I didn’t make them love me. I just made things that they wanted to happen happen. By the time I was president, the US was statistically the happiest place to live in the world. And it wasn’t just because I made them happy. It’s because I knew how to get things done. But the best part was after my two terms in office. I traveled the world bringing peace to far away countries. For the first time in history, there are no major conflicts anywhere and it’s all because of me. But I cheated.

Here’s a crummy fantasy story! 

His neck hurt as it bent up to look at the large dragon in front of him. He needed the dragon to know he was respected and if he looked away he’d risk blowing everything. After what seemed like forever, the dragon inclined his head just enough to be sure he was allowing this human to speak.
“I am Jerich, oh great one. I come to you from the city of Highwater to seek your guidance and for your assistance. A great enemy threatens to destroy our homes. The wizards from all over the world came together and are marching towards us. They’ll be here in a matter of days. All sixteen thousand of them in one place. An assault of this magnitude has never even been imagined.”
A feeling unlike any Jerich had ever felt washed over him. He felt warm but cold at the same time. It was as if he were so cold he were burning or so hot he froze, but it was comforting. He loved the feeling for all it’s discomfort. The dragon was communicating with him, but since they don’t know the human language, they need to use their magic. He told Jerich, “I am one of the oldest creatures living in this place and I have seen more than you can imagine. Why should I be worried about your city? You were the ones who built it in the shadow of my mountain. I didn’t ask for you to come and I never offered my protection. I simply let you be as long as it doesn’t interfere with my desires.”
“I know it’s not normal for us to ask you for help. And I know no dragon has ever given help to the humans for you are above the politics of man, but these wizards…they stole dragon eggs and learned to hatch them. They enslave them and force them to do their bidding. They’re using them to clear the trees where they decide to camp and to make fires to keep warm at night. These wizards are doing cruel things to your kin and we hope you won’t sit idly by and allow this to continue.”
The ancient dragon sat in silence for what seemed to Jerich a very long time. The burning cold sensation left him and he didn’t know how long he should stay there. After a few minutes, he began walking back and forth hoping the great dragon would give reply. Upon reaching the edge of the stairs for the seventh time, he sat down leaning against a large boulder watching the huge being in front of him. After much longer and the sun had traversed a quarter of the sky, Jerich felt the feeling and knew the dragon was about to speak. “This atrocity cannot stand. I will help you fight your war, human, but remember—this is the first time it has ever happened and probably the last. An alliance like this has never been established. And to celebrate this occasion, something else will happen that has never been done. You will accompany me to the Heart of the Earth. There, I will call forth the seven dragon lords and we will discuss this matter. They will want to know that humans have discovered how to hatch my kind. Next they will be learning to breed us like common animals. You, Jerich, will have many songs made about you.” 
“I am honored, oh great one. When will we leave? I will have the court give me the fastest horse in the city so I may cover as much ground as possible, thought it will still be much slower than yourself.”
“No mortal, you will not be riding a horse. You will be accompanying me. The only way we’ll be able to make the time is if I carry you. I will bring you to the city so you may tell the court you will be coming with me. You’ll also need a few things for the journey. Provisions. A saddle. I shudder to think that I will be so similar to a common mule, but if it must be, so be it. Climb on, young Jerich and let us be on our way.” The great dragon stood up on his four legs the size of tree trunks and moved to where Jerich stood. He knelt down on his front knees and Jerich put his hands on the dragons neck. The cool scales felt smooth and hard beneath his hands. He clambered onto the dragon and held onto the dragons horns as best he could. The dragon crouched one last time and with the force of the strongest smiths hammer striking a glowing sword, the dragon wings beat the air and for the first time in history a human was flying.

I mean, I’m still learning things like how to deal with things, and I’m learning more about myself, but I’m not learning about things she could have taught me were she here. If she were still hear, she could teach me how to sew better or teach me about little things that I take for granted. Little tips here and there that I wouldn’t have thought of myself but that she could show me in a second. Things like that.

Tonight, like every Friday night when I’m in Chicago, I could be found at Dan, Alex, Drew and Ryan’s apartment. Also like every Friday night, we picked a movie to watch and the one we settled on was Gran Torino. Back when it came out, I didn’t see it until a few months after it was released to dvd. I’m not sure whether we rented it from the library or if we got it from red box, but we had it on a short term basis (we being my family in Las Vegas). I have only seen it twice to date, once with my mom and once tonight. When I watched it with my mom, I had heard good things about it and I had been wanting to watch it, but not enough to make it a point to go get it myself or anything. There are very few movies that I go out of my way to see, so that’s not an indication that I wasn’t interested in it or anything. I mean, come on…it’s Clint Eastwood. What’s not to love?! Well, anyway, my mom and I watched it in more or less silence and at the end, we talked about it, which in and of itself was strange because the kinds of movies I like to talk about, she doesn’t and vice versa. *SPOILERS AHEAD* We talked about the ending and how since it’s a Clint Eastwood movie, we expected him to grab his M1 and go to the house and beat the crap out of the Hmong gang kids to death. Even though we both had that in mind for what the ending might be, we agreed that him pulling out his lighter to put an end to the gang in a different way was a much better ending. Clint’s old and he isn’t an action hero anymore, but he found a way to still have that feel of a good old Mexican stand off without going through the trouble of a huge firefight that takes twenty minutes. Tonight I watched the movie again and I thought deeper about the story and realized that Tao really liked Walter and he must have felt terrible when Walt was killed. And I’m sure that Walt started caring about Tao as well, and it was probably hard for him to leave. He knew what he was walking into but he did it anyway. I don’t remember whether I’ve written about this on my blog yet, but my sisters talked about how my mom might have known what was coming and planned it. She had taken away everyone’s keys to the house and she called all of us the night before. And she went to bed the night before and told my dad it’s a good feeling to have everything done. She was talking about the bills finally being paid off after being in the red for a long time. It just seems funny, the timing, is all. Anyway, watching the movie tonight and thinking about Walt and Tao’s relationship, I thought about my own relationship with my mom. I hope she thought about me in a way that Walt thought about Tao, as opposed to the way Walt felt about his own kids and grandkids. Anyway, I was thinking about this stuff as the movie was ending with Tao driving in Walt’s old Gran Torino and Clint Eastwood singing the song and I started crying. I’ve cried a lot recently. There were a few months I don’t think I cried much, if at all, but in the past week or so, there have been a few times I cried or came close to crying. I just…it’s hard. I’m not crying the way I did the night I first found out. I only shed a tear or two before I can get it under control. I’m not crying uncontrollably for hours but it’s still just as hard. I miss her so much and the longer it is, it almost seems like I miss her more. I have this feeling of dread whenever I think that I’ll never see her again. She meant so much to me—taught me so much—helped me get where I am today—laughed at my jokes—did everything she could to help me. It’s hard when I think that she’ll never be here to teach me any more lessons or talk to me when I need someone to talk to or show me how to do things I don’t know. So much knowledge that I had near unlimited access to is gone. I’ll never know how to do the things I wanted her to teach me eventually. I guess….I guess this is her ultimate lesson to me. She’s teaching me how to deal with pain now. I have to stop writing.

Kay, I’m back now, sorry about that. But yeah, turns out I lied about the whole, “I only shed a tear or two before I can get it under control.” I just had to go to the bathroom so my roommate wouldn’t ask me any questions. Pretty sure he saw my red puffy eyes when I came back though. I’m glad he doesn’t ask now. Anyway, I really miss her. I don’t think I’m coherent anymore, sorry.

I know it’s a bit late, but I wrote this for class and figured I’d stick it up on here as well, just because it is my legitimate thoughts on the matter.